Very very…yawn…tired at the moment. I can’t work out how being really tired and not being able to sleep can go together. Unfortunately I always resort to eating crap when this happens, so bang goes my healthy eating. On the positive side I still seem to be able to find the energy when it comes to proper creative stuff – shame about the less creative jobs. I struggle to stay awake for those!
Luckily for me freelance stuff is going well – 2 happy clients, based on their feedback this week – for whom I’m half way through design jobs at the moment. Unfortunately having major problems with setting up an SSL certificate for someone else – should have been sorted in a matter of hours but the emails have gone down for the last 24 hours.
Weirdly someone has just walked past (I’m sitting outside a local bar at the moment) wearing the same perfume my therapist wears. Which is a weird sentence in itself but that particular perfume (I don’t know what it is, but it’s fairly strong) just puts me right into THAT room – which is slightly disconcerting to say the least, especially when you’re trying to relax, and especially just before a session too. Ah – the woman in question (not my therapist thank god) is sat on the table next to me – so it’s like having an additional half hour tacked onto tonight’s session without any gain and while I’m trying to relax. On the other side is some utter knob spouting loudly about how great global warming is to give us this weather and what a big 4×4 he drives. The temptation to pretend to discuss making up for a tiny penis with a big car on my mobile is almost unbearable.
I could quite happily spend the rest of the evening here (obviously without current table neighbours) rather than dragging my sorry hide along the road to THE ROOM. But, it’s time to meander along there.
BTW – if you’re looking for a decent read, The Somnambulist is well worth a go, although the follow up (I read them in the wrong order without realising they were related) is likely to make you feel that you’re living in a nightmare, particularly if you’re feeling a bit delicate anyway!
3 fillings, £45 and a load of jaw ache – literally. Not to mention the growing credit card expense. Day off tomorrow – looks like rain, smoothly done there – and behind on all my work. And yet still I’m bouncy and happy and full of beans. Must be the 5am coffee table marathon, or maybe the painkillers. Or perhaps it’s summertime, the birds are singing (obviously can’t hear them over the traffic, but we know they’re there) and the sun is almost shining, or maybe is above the accumulation of overhead cumulus.
I can’t help but feel the monetary dip is a mere blip which will soon be dealt with. more freelance possibilities – not huge ££ but should be enough to cover the unexpected rise in credit use. And I have a great idea for a new website which should be an income stream. more importantly it should be a great creative outlet too. I started planning it last year before mood went south and I lost interest, so it will be great to push it forward.
As a really great post end, check out this link – http://lab.andre-michelle.com/tonematrix - it’s great. Of course, accessing it at work led to writing musical rude messages, and videoing them to friends – juvenile yes, but also great fun – enjoy!
There really is nothing like being up and about at 2am to make you realise how nice it is to have some peace! Also it’s a good chance to email friends – nothing to distract you – and catch up on work – ditto. Plus you get to check your bank balance and silently scream in despair at how things can be so bad – how can they be THAT bad?!! I mean, I’m the first to admit I’m crap with money but bloody hell! Talk about getting carried away with big ideas and spending in proportion. Again. I can’t see how the banks are struggling when they make so much money from me every month.
Work work – ie employed work – is stacking up (as per previous post) but somehow I’m struggling to concentrate – I think lack of sleep is catching up with me or something (he types, at 4:23am!). Also was asked to be less exuberant in my singing at work today – boring gits, somebody had complained to my line manager that i sounded mental – which was a bit of a kick in the teeth (as well as being ironic) as I thought I was on fine form. Apparently Adam Ant isn’t everyone’s cuppa – and it was only Friend or Foe, not even some of the early stuff! Some people, no taste!
Whereas today is going to be fun filled – filling or extraction at 12, meeting at school at 6.30 with work nicely sandwiched in between. Goody! Anyway, i’m off to go and get an old coffee table out of the garage – wish our garage was just outside rather than a 15 minute walk away, but the exercise will ‘do me good’ and it should be all nice and dawn-chorus too!
For the second time in about 18 months all blood tests have come back clear – which of course is good news. Which means attacks of dizziness and nausea continue to be an unidentified something or other – AKA ignore them and hope they go away. I love the way DRs insist you shouldn’t have waited so long to discuss something, only to then down tools when it’s not immediately obvious what the problem is. The suggestion is it’sPsychosomatic, which isn’t exactly a satisfying conclusion and doesn’t leave me feeling particularly happy about the situation. “Try to see if you can spot a pattern of when these episodes come on. If you do and there’s nothing you can do to improve the matter, or if they get significantly worse, then come back and we’ll see what we can do…”. Thanks Doc!
In other news I now have several unpaid freelance jobs on the go while waiting to hear back on several paid ones – i’m just hoping the freebies are done and dusted before the others need doing, otherwise I’m going to be up to my eyes in work. Especially as all of a sudden at work (the employed variety) I’m also suddenly stacked again – mainly with an impossibly complex web site. Had to laugh when I was asked if it would take longer than a week!
In fact the worst thing about work at the moment is that my sales director is looking more and more like my dad every week! It’s somewhat disconcerting, to say the least. I haven’t spoken to my parents for a month or two – things are drifting a bit on that front, so it’s possible this is an unconscious guilt trip. Or maybe it’s just a freak of nature. Or both. I should call the parents really, especially as the more time goes past the harder it will eventually be. I think the fact that i skipped my cousin’s wedding pissed him off a bit (my Dad, not my cousin). I hardly know my cousin, although aside from me the rest of the extended family is on a bit of a love-in at the moment. The fact that she’s also my perfect cousin, who can do no wrong in my parents’ eyes, doesn’t make it any more likely that I would want to go anyway. Oh well, you can’t choose your family I suppose!
Hmm…well having just re-read my last post it’s probably just as well it’s been a while! Needless to say over reaction springs to mind. Things are ok, frantic and busy but that’s best – and found time to change my hair to bright pink – which has made me think about chopping a load of it off and doing something a bit more punk. All these things are good to stave off boredom and keep busy.
Lots of projects on the go at the moment – a few non-paid freelance jobs which I’m doing because they’re interesting and offer a bit more creative freedom. Although I could do with the money as my debts seem to have sky rocketed this year and i can’t work out why. Still, am hoping for a tax rebate to cover some of that.
Had a bit of a crash of energy the other week so am playing catch up on my own website again – although that’s become a bit of a bore in comparison to other things – it’s taking more effort to stick to finishing it, rather than doing more creative projects. Famous lack of stickability!
Also have been a regular at the GP’s the last few weeks – the usual blood tests (thyroid, blood sugar, et etc) which they only did about a year ago anyway and didn’t find anything then either. The phrase ‘Psychosomatic’ has been used a couple of times. Results come in next week so we’ll see where we go then. Therapy has also been a bit of a drag – i know that just because everything feels great that doesn’t mean it’s all gone away etc but it’s one hell of a drag trawling through the whole family history thing when you’re feeling great. Sticking with it at the moment though and see where it goes.
bit of a round up but will post again soon hopefully with a proper post!
