100mg a day and a monthly GP appointment to see how that goes, plus book onto a CBT course. Trouble is, how do I know if the Q is doing the trick or not? Yes I’m sleeping more, but other than that can’t say I’ve noticed a huge change. Mood’s still fluctuating.
Though not so rapidly, but I don’t feel it’s changed anything. Us this to be expected, should there be more, who knows? If anything I’m more tired, more angry and lots more surges of rage (which I’m suppressing, my dad used to have huge bursts of rage so I try to keep a lid on that) but is that me or the meds? Guess time will tell?

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Filed under Bipolar, life, Medication, mental state

Back to reality

Just back from a week away in sunny H____ – 5 days of rain, a heavy cold and no WiFi. First time properly chilled out in about a year. We’d appt Tuesday first thing to agree treatment, dosage etc. HR at work are up to speed already, but have a decision to make re informing my manager of BP2 diagnosis. One to ponder…

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Onto meds…



And so in the end it’s into the system, take the meds and maybe things will improve. Fingers crossed…


Filed under life

Last Post

I last posted here almost 4 months ago and, to be honest, it wasn’t until I reread that and the posts before it that I could have told you what I had been blogging about then. In fact I was really surprised what hte contents were! They belonged to somebody else and it feels very much like that’s true for this blog as a whole. I’ve prevaricated long enough to know that I probably won’t ever post here again as, to me, the Chuckles is dead and gone. I’ve stopped therapy, almost f****d up my and my family’s life for good and spent the last few months being the life and soul of the party with almost everybody I know. Whilst a few shadows of depression have surfaced recently I’m pretty confident I’m able to control anything that life throws at me.

And so I’m moving on from here too. Sometimes things change – for better or worse – and all you can do is keep moving. Good luck, hugs and kisses to everyone I’ve ever ‘met’ through this blog, it’s been good. x


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Definitely Maybe

thursday wil be the first therapy appointent that I’ve kept in about 3 weeks. I’m thinking of chucking it in as I can’t see it’s really making a huge amount of difference. Chances are I’ll bottle it and carry on going, god knws why – probably to avoid having to have a confrontation! I’m sure it’s the best thing, at least I htink it is. I’d rather spend the time doing anything elsde realy.

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Adam Ant is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner’s Daughter

Adam Ant is…well you know the rest!

It’s finally within listening distance (whatever that means) – Adam Ant’s new album (double album?) is due for release next month. It’s been on the horizon for the last year or two, but for various raesons has been pushed back several times. But now, it’s almost here. And he’s looking damn fine too! It’s been way too ong that music has missed al th pageantry, theatre and general swashbuckling swagger that Adam Ant brings. It’s perfect timing as I’m not getting a ny sleep at all at the moment and just have asuch a need for some creative external input. Soo much energy at the moment but it just feels like life is being shackled by circumstances beond my control. So to have some exciting new music and all that goes with it will be great, hopefuly inspirational and energising. Sooo ecited. typically the Daily Mail journalists knobheads have had a pop – probably because he isn’t a squeaky clean, pre-pubescent boy band wannabe – or a typical middle-england daily mail reader!

Trying to get a few things moving with a few other artists/writers too at the moment, it’s all a bit hectic and up in the air as organisational things aren’t my strongest suit/. But hopefully soon that’ll happen which will be great.


Filed under Art, life, work

Life is like a box of (crunchy frog) chocolates

Life’s crap at the moment due to other people’s chronic illnesses. I’ve jsut deleted the whle post as it was a whinge-fest of pity-me in the most cringing tones. Tings are tough but not that bad and I feel like a God amongst men anyway – just one with a sick family. Maybe a little bitter and twisted but mr alcohol and mr tobacco are helping out with that. However may be away from the blog more than usual due to calls on my time – boring boring but needs must etc.


Filed under health, life, mental state