no sleep and london and work and all that

Apart from zero sleep last night and a max of 3 hours a night for the past couple of weeks everything is good at the moment. I had a bit of an angry week last week, although how much was me and how much was other people I’m not sure. But temper aside not bad. Up to London yesterday for a meeting with a major client which went really well, talk about life and soul Didn’t enjoy london much though (although this particular area of London is never the most exciting area to spend time!) It was like he crowds lacked humanity because there was no way to see peeps as individuals. Really weird, unless it was just me. But where as usual doing these meetings on my own is a horror show yesterday was a breeze.

However, came back in to the office to find an email informing me that some of the stuff I’ve been working on will be passed to the middle management section of our dept. I think this is an early warning to get my CV sorted and get looking. I think there’s been a move for sometime now to drop the creative side of the business in favour of using external designers from cheaper areas of the globe. There’s no way I’m meekly handing out tutorial sessions to some numb nuts so that they give me the elbow. If they want to do the job they should f*** off to Uni and put the effort in like the rest of us had to. Of course they’ll need to get some talent first!!!

Also am sure someone has hacked my email, every now and then the connection drops off and it says there’s an administrator accessing the inbox. Am using the nearest available wifi connection during my lunchbreaks now to avoid anything appearing on he works connection, althoug I noticed Wrdpress has been blocked now anyway. Talk about draconian!

Still, managed to push on with my website in the early hours of this morning. Although there’s other thinsg I’d rather be doing, very into poetry at the moment – Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton mainly, although reading some Virginia Woolf to – they seem to fit in well with listening to Nirvana too – especially In Utero. Am feeling very creative at the moment which is why buckling down to work is such a chore and a bore.

Speaking of which, am now late back to work so better hurry in case there’s somebody waiting to give me a lecture on punctuality

Filed under: life, mental state, work , Anne Sexton, London, Nirvana, poetry, sleep, Sylvia Plath, work

dazed and confused…

…which is why no posts. Also depression is back – just like June last year actually which was the worst I\’d ever felt. Suicide stuff, i can taste it. not just in my mouth but in my arms and legs and head and everything. that sounds weird but it\’s the only way I can describe it. And so tired you wouldn\’t believe (although of course some of you would). I should be at therapy in an hour but have feigned a migraine. think I\’m going to stay at work locked in my office for an hour or two and just be on my own with nirvana and pretend the world has gone away. or something. oh for a way out!

edit: wish I hadn’t cancelled that appt now, just dumb.

edit 2: so i’ve uncancelled it because maybe for once it would be smarter to talk through suicidal depression while i’m here in it rather than a few weeks later which i guess is progress. 25 mins to go and bloody terrified – but i think it’s got to be better than talking my better half about this, or having to finally attend the GPs again about this.

Filed under: depression, life, mental state, therapy, work , depression, mental health, Nirvana