November 30, 2009 • 4:34 pm
Difficult few months, things up and down and have had a bit of a block on everything hence no posts. Work is reaching a stressful climax I think, and has been a bad influence on my MH – is being – and I haven’t been able to separate the internal/external factors in everything going Pete Tong. But we have been working through it all in therapy and starting to see the wood from the trees a bit. I need a break and can’t wait now to have a week away over Xmas. If I make it that far without losing the plot that will be an achievement.
I just wish it wasn’t so dark all the time 
Filed under: depression, life, mental state, therapy, work , work, therapy, stress, mental health
September 1, 2009 • 5:23 pm
Can’t believe it’s September already, the summer has gone quickly and it’s back to the usual after a break from therapy, a bit of time off from work and the bosses being away making the time at work a bit easier. Today is day one back after a week or so off – 1000 emails, and some weren’t even spam. Lot’s of prob to sort out and already lots of urgent, must have immediately jobs waiting. The one thing I have enjoyed over the last few weeks is the relative lack of stress and pressure.
Week away was good – although a week wasn’t long enough to wind down which was a shame – still had work things lodged in my brain. But it was good to have a few days somewhere else for a change, no timetable or deadlines. Back to them in spades today, schools start tomorrow so back to morning school run too.
Spent most of today tidying my awful desk and and answering emails, reading emails, sorting out problems – at least this morning. Have looked busy this afternoon but TBH couldn’t face the mountain of work and so have played around with some of the more interesting jobs on my list – bit of logo work, some research, etc. Not productive but it’s all looking a bit daunting from the bottom of the pile – maybe feel up to it more tomorrow.
Parental visit coming up in just under 2 weeks – always stressful, not their fault really. I don’t relate to my family terribly well, probably less so after my brother’s accident. Need to make more effort really, keep in touch a bit more. Something to work on there me thinks.
And to round off I’ve decided to get back into more art – painting and drawing instead of just designer for hire. Maybe it’ll help with other things, be a bit of a release, somewhere to express myself instead of fulfilling briefs 24/7. Personal challenge type thing – if I can stick to it 
Filed under: life, mental state, relationships, work , art, life, relationships, work
Very very…yawn…tired at the moment. I can’t work out how being really tired and not being able to sleep can go together. Unfortunately I always resort to eating crap when this happens, so bang goes my healthy eating. On the positive side I still seem to be able to find the energy when it comes to proper creative stuff – shame about the less creative jobs. I struggle to stay awake for those!
Luckily for me freelance stuff is going well – 2 happy clients, based on their feedback this week – for whom I’m half way through design jobs at the moment. Unfortunately having major problems with setting up an SSL certificate for someone else – should have been sorted in a matter of hours but the emails have gone down for the last 24 hours.
Weirdly someone has just walked past (I’m sitting outside a local bar at the moment) wearing the same perfume my therapist wears. Which is a weird sentence in itself but that particular perfume (I don’t know what it is, but it’s fairly strong) just puts me right into THAT room – which is slightly disconcerting to say the least, especially when you’re trying to relax, and especially just before a session too. Ah – the woman in question (not my therapist thank god) is sat on the table next to me – so it’s like having an additional half hour tacked onto tonight’s session without any gain and while I’m trying to relax. On the other side is some utter knob spouting loudly about how great global warming is to give us this weather and what a big 4×4 he drives. The temptation to pretend to discuss making up for a tiny penis with a big car on my mobile is almost unbearable.
I could quite happily spend the rest of the evening here (obviously without current table neighbours) rather than dragging my sorry hide along the road to THE ROOM. But, it’s time to meander along there.
BTW – if you’re looking for a decent read, The Somnambulist is well worth a go, although the follow up (I read them in the wrong order without realising they were related) is likely to make you feel that you’re living in a nightmare, particularly if you’re feeling a bit delicate anyway!
Filed under: life, mental state, therapy, work , perfume, The Somnambulist, therapist, tiredness, work
3 fillings, £45 and a load of jaw ache – literally. Not to mention the growing credit card expense. Day off tomorrow – looks like rain, smoothly done there – and behind on all my work. And yet still I’m bouncy and happy and full of beans. Must be the 5am coffee table marathon, or maybe the painkillers. Or perhaps it’s summertime, the birds are singing (obviously can’t hear them over the traffic, but we know they’re there) and the sun is almost shining, or maybe is above the accumulation of overhead cumulus.
I can’t help but feel the monetary dip is a mere blip which will soon be dealt with. more freelance possibilities – not huge ££ but should be enough to cover the unexpected rise in credit use. And I have a great idea for a new website which should be an income stream. more importantly it should be a great creative outlet too. I started planning it last year before mood went south and I lost interest, so it will be great to push it forward.
As a really great post end, check out this link – http://lab.andre-michelle.com/tonematrix - it’s great. Of course, accessing it at work led to writing musical rude messages, and videoing them to friends – juvenile yes, but also great fun – enjoy!
Filed under: life, mental state, work , dentist, money, mood, music, summertime, work
There really is nothing like being up and about at 2am to make you realise how nice it is to have some peace! Also it’s a good chance to email friends – nothing to distract you – and catch up on work – ditto. Plus you get to check your bank balance and silently scream in despair at how things can be so bad – how can they be THAT bad?!! I mean, I’m the first to admit I’m crap with money but bloody hell! Talk about getting carried away with big ideas and spending in proportion. Again. I can’t see how the banks are struggling when they make so much money from me every month.
Work work – ie employed work – is stacking up (as per previous post) but somehow I’m struggling to concentrate – I think lack of sleep is catching up with me or something (he types, at 4:23am!). Also was asked to be less exuberant in my singing at work today – boring gits, somebody had complained to my line manager that i sounded mental – which was a bit of a kick in the teeth (as well as being ironic) as I thought I was on fine form. Apparently Adam Ant isn’t everyone’s cuppa – and it was only Friend or Foe, not even some of the early stuff! Some people, no taste!
Whereas today is going to be fun filled – filling or extraction at 12, meeting at school at 6.30 with work nicely sandwiched in between. Goody! Anyway, i’m off to go and get an old coffee table out of the garage – wish our garage was just outside rather than a 15 minute walk away, but the exercise will ‘do me good’ and it should be all nice and dawn-chorus too!
Filed under: life, mental state, work , Adam Ant, mental, money, singing at work, work
