A start again post

Have been trying to find the words this week to start again. I dumped the blog a bit ago because it all felt so pointless and the last few weeks has been very hard. No rhyme or reason. The only thing I can think is it’s 10 years this year since my brother was killed – and even that feels pretty tenuous, although he’s been on my mind a lot lately. I think maybe when you’re down you tend to get kicked, maybe that’s all it is. Or maybe it’s just the weather, or not sleeping, or just life.

When things get really difficult it’s difficult not to see only one way out, it becomes a focus, maybe a safety valve – there’s always a way out kind of thing. It’s been discussed again in last week’s therapy session, which consequently means i’ve been toying with skipping this week. Sometimes it’s easy to talk, good to talk, but sometimes not – too hard, or too personal. Mixed up and confused. And it’s hard to talk for an hour a week when for the rest of the week it’s happy happy happy.

So i’ve decided to come back to jamming this all down to try and make sense of it, find an outlet for self expression and maybe some answers. Not exactly an informed post but it’s a start.

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15 Comments

Filed under depression, life, mental state, relationships, therapy

15 responses to “A start again post

  1. It’s good to get you back. I know what you mean about a safety valve. That’s how my consultant sometime describes my suicidal ideation.

  2. Hi everyone and thanks for the welcome, I’m very touched. x
    ITS – I’ve heard that before too, sometimes just knowing there’s a way out is enough to not need to take it (I think that’s what you mean?)

  3. Alison

    Welcome Back

  4. yeah, that is what I meant, although my valve burst recently from the pressure, which I don’t think my consultant expected. I wonder if she’d still say that now.

  5. Hi Alison, thanks!

    Hmm – it’s like the phrase ‘coping mechanism’ – I hate that kind of thing!

  6. aethelreadtheunread

    Welcome back!

    I recognise a lot of what you write – when you get depressed, everything goes wrong all together. But it does also mean that everything gets better when the depression lifts, too.

  7. Hi Aethelread, thanks – it’s sometimes keeping that in mind that’s the difficult bit I suppose isn’t it – not thinking it’s time to give up on life and hold out for the ups. Thanks for reminding me 😀

  8. I am glad your back. Hannah X

  9. Thanks Hannah, hope you’re ok x

  10. cb

    Good to see you back.

  11. Hey Chuckle. Sorry things have been so hard and it’s still so tough. But it’s great to have you back. As Aethelread said these moods are all-consuming and seem to take everything else with them. The world you experience when depressed is a world away from when you emerge blinking into the light again. Then it’s hard to remember the depression.

    I don’t believe there’s any way out of this except to keep the faith, whatever your personal faith is. Knowing so many people out there can relate precisely to what you say has got to help. You’re not alone, however it feels. Thinkng of you…Zoe.

  12. cheers Zoe, thanks for your lovely words and fr dropping by

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