Raging, furious, apoplectic ANGER

I have had 4 days off in a row to try and relax, they’ve been 4 great days but I can’t stop worrying about things – even though they are things I can do nothing about at present. Still waking at about 4am every morning, but now too tired to get up and do anything positive so just lying there with thoughts going round and round and round…if I could just sleep properly I’m sure it wouldn’t feel so bad!
Walked into work this morning so wound up I almost bit through my lip. There are certain people there who are making me so angry that sometimes I teeter on the verge of exploding. This would be ok if it was just at work but it is anywhere. Not even just about things that have happened anymore, but my mind runs away down a path of pure fiction where I imagine them doing things that are so awful that I would be justified in reacting physically, to the point I sometimes ‘wake up’ from these crazy day dreams to find myself incandescent with rage, fists balled and ready to hit somebody. As if I have switched off and am living that particularly unpleasant moment. I thought a few days off would make a difference but not so far.
I think this is probably something I need to work through on Thursdays, as it’s becoming a regular occurrence. The problem is I have other things I need to sort out and I really don’t know which should come first. really I would love to get away from the world and everyone in it and just BE for a few weeks, no stress, no demands, no talking etc. Perhaps if i win the lottery? Perhaps i should start doing the lottery.
Will be spending part of the Xmas/New Year break with parents – just a few days but enough to be a bit of a concern. There are other issues attached to that too which I can’t talk about but that are serious hang ups that I nee to resolve, if I can make sure I have the backbone for it. The fear of rejection is a powerful motivator, especially when it works negatively.
On a different matter altogether, if you want to get involved with pressuring politicians to stick to their promises and represent what you want from a government check out this link to Power 2010. It’s about time we took the initiative!



Filed under current affairs, depression, life, mental state, therapy, work

4 responses to “Raging, furious, apoplectic ANGER

  1. I’m sorry the anxiety is so bad right now. I was jut wondering, I can’t remember if you are getting any support other than the therapy. Are you on meds or seeing your GP? If you’re not maybe it’s time your thought about getting a little more help?

    Take care xx

  2. Not at the moment, I stopped seeing them after seeing 3 different GPs in a row and having to cover all the same ground, answer all the same questions and have all the same tests etc. In the end I thought I just couldn’t be bothered anymore.
    If i gets any worse or just keeps on the same I guess I could give it another go, it’s probably worth it.
    Thanks for the comments – hope you’re ok at the mo

    • I know what you mean about a lack of continuity. It can be a problem especially with large practices. I had to start asking specifically to see the same doctor. If you find one that’s okay then you could try that. Although you need to get a non-locum first of course! If you know others that go to the same practice find out who is best then ask for them.

      You might want to make some notes to take with you too. Then if it isn’t the same doctor for any reason you can give them that instead of repeating all the same info.

      They might not even suggest ADs. From the anger/agitation/anxiety side of things something to ease that might be good – propanolol for example.

      Also you could just ask for a referral to the Primary Care MHT. It may take a while, but you might get additional therapy (no doubt CBT) and of course they’re MH specialists as opposed to GPs.

      As for how I am – meh! Not good, but nevermind. xx

      • Thanks, that’s good advice that I should follow…well, I am thinking about it – which is good. Sorry you’re not having a great time – hope things pick up for you soon!

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