Should have phoned in sick today but couldn’t face staying at home on my own, even though i don’t want to speak to anyone either. Lot’s of pressure and I’m struggling to do anything. Also freelance stuff has come through with loads of chaneges which is stressng me out. Went for a 5.30am walk which helped a bit jsut to be alone and out of the house. I couldn’t face starting the day with people. unfriendly git I know!
We have plans for thisweekend that I will go through with twith a fixed fgrin and somehow i am ghoing to have to work too. It’s at the stage where i will lose clients and a lot of money if I fuck up and do the whole depressed thing now. And will have to push oin today with work too – can’t afford to lose this hateful job now. Would like to find a hole in the ground somewhere nowand stay there.
therapy was a waste of time -spoke about 10 words in the whole sessions and should have saved myself the hassle and gone home instead. She said at the start how glad shew was I ‘d come a usually when things get like this I cancel, not sure she felt the same by the time I left.