Countdown to new job etc

My leaving seems to have pissed off or otherwise upset a number of people. My immediate manager has failed to speak to me until this afternoon when it was unavoidable. She said she didn’t blame me for leaving, but then proceeded to not act like it. A couple of other people have been the same. While i kind of expected it – I know other leaving have gone through something similar – it’s not pleasant. If I could afford to I would walk out now. Still, it’s now just under 3 weeks to go, as long as I keep the mantra of how long to go I think it’ll be fine.

My favourite café was queuing out the door this evening so I ended up siting outside the Green Park to type this, with a bottle of Becks. A good way to chill prior to a therapy session. If I get through this one it wil be the first full session in 3 weeks. What an achievement. I’m feeling very -ve about therapy at the moment, questioning whether it makes a difference and whether going to the pub wouldn’t help just as much?

The last few days (week or so maybe?) I’ve been alternatively high as a kite or very low, not to mention irritable as hell and paranoid to boot. I think it’s lack of sleep – 3 hours is the record for any one night for quite some time. The other day, while working on a children’s book, an illustration of a fish winked at me and then smiled. At first I thought “wow, it’s an animated gif!” before realising it wasn’t as it was a print file. I soooo needd some sleep!

Maybe part of it is nerves about the new job. My biggest worry is that i have another depressive dive in my 3 months probation period leading to 2 weeks of not being able to do anything and getting the push. It’s preying on my mind a bit TBH. Actually quite a bit. Then other times I’m convinced i’ll walk the job and end up getting immediate promotion! Fuckwit. Either way I can’t wait to start and get the initial plunge out of the way. The job is unlikely to be too taxing in itself as long as i can keep myself on something of an even keel.

In other news – the place I got my top hat is now selling pith helmets, which could be a great look for the summer. I’m thinking of maybe growing a mad moustache and getting a monocle too – teamed with some uber modern clothing should be a great look! maybe i should go into fashion. Which reminds me my T shirt designs have stalled as I ‘m kicking back and not doing any additional work for a couple of weeks. Although ironically today I got an email asking if i would like to do a site for a new start up. One o these days i will make time for my own stuff and to hell with everyone else.

Also I go the new Scarlett Thomas novel at the weekend – Our Tragic Universe – and it’s uber amazing as per usual, I think she’s my favourite author at the moment. The End of Mr Y was awesome and i enjoyed Pop Co too. I’d strongly recommend her books, especially if you’re into philosophy – Derrida, Baudrillard etc.

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Filed under depression, life, mental state, therapy, work

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